Pressure
by wonderwoman78
Summary: no sleep to be had within the Rizzoli apartment tonight
1. Chapter 1

Maura sleepily reached out for Jane's body as she turned over in the bed they were sharing that night. They were in Jane's apartment; they always were and it didn't bother her. What did bother her though was Jane's absence. Maura peeked at the digital clock that sat on the night stand next to the bed. 2:05 am. They had only been asleep for an hour. An hour before of fighting to get Jane into bed to begin with. Ever since the solving the last puzzle of the Hoyt case, Jane has not been able to get a decent 5 hours of sleep. Let alone her usual 8. Sighing, Maura opened her mouth to call out her name but thought better of it. Jane would only promise to come back to bed in 5 minutes. And that promise would go unfulfilled.

Tossing the sheet aside, Maura reached for the t-shirt that laid on the floor and quickly tugged it over her head. Maura quietly opened the door and padded down the short hall with bare feet. She found her best friend leaning against the desk, staring out the window.  
Maura knew that the neighborhood was quiet; that the street would be empty but also knew that Jane did this every night. She was securing the perimeter.

Maura crossed the floor layout and slid her arms around Jane's slim waist. She perched her head on the shoulder that had dipped slightly to allow her this closeness. It took a minute for the tension to leave her mates body but it did, slowly.

"What are you doing out here?"  
A couple of a beats went by before Jane answered, "Thinking. Watching."

Maura nodded against Jane's neck before lightly kissing the carotid artery. Jane forgot the scene and leaned back into the embrace.

"Come back to bed," Maura whispered in Jane's ear.  
"In a few minutes."

Maura was sure Jane felt the growing tension in her body before she moved away.

Holding onto Maura's hand pressed against her stomach, Jane questioned, "What?"  
"Nothing."  
"It's something otherwise I wouldn't feel it in your touch."

Jane remained silent waiting for her best friend to express herself.

"I worry about you," Maura replied bowing her head into Jane's back.  
"I worry about you, too."  
"I worry about what this job does to you. I'm afraid it's going to steal your sanity."  
"I love my job, babe. You know that."  
"I know but that doesn't mean that I have to like the sleepless nights it causes you or the nightmares."  
"Maura."  
"And saying my name like that is not gonna make me change my mind about it."  
"I know," Jane mumbled as she felt Maura press her face further into her back.

Sighing and holding tighter onto Jane, Maura tried to think of how to express how she feeling without going all goggle talk, as Jane always put it. She smiled thinking of Jane teasing.

"I miss your smile. I miss that low throaty incredible sexy laugh you let slip when I say something goofy. I miss your teasing. You have no idea how much I miss you giving me that blank stare when I start to go off on google talk. Even though I know it's just a facade," Maura's voice cracked.  
"Oh my god. Are you crying? You know I can't handle it when you cry."

Jane pulled the hand that was resting on her abdomen and the woman it belonged to around to her front. She cradled the woman's head in her hands.

"It hurts me to see you cry," Jane sniffled kissing Maura softly on the lips.  
Returning the kiss, Maura replied, "We are a pair, huh?"  
"Yup. But you're mine and I love you."  
"I love you, too."  
"I thought for sure this was gonna turn into an argument."  
"I don't want to argue. I just want to cuddle and sleep with you."  
"You go warm up the bed. I'll be there in a minute."  
"Jane."  
"Scout's honor," Jane held up her hand performing the pledge.

Maura's heart sunk knowing that the pledge meant nothing but she gave Jane what she needed. Space.

"Okay," standing on her toes, Maura stole one more kiss.

She walked to the archway in the living room and turn once more to see Jane resume her previous pose. Shoulder against the wall, arms crossed. Eyes focused on the street.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'll be your soldier, Jane," she whispered to me as I climbed into bed that night.

I sighed and settled back into her embrace. I haven't been sleeping well since this last round with Hoyt. He's really starting to get to me. His smile, the twinkle in his eyes whenever he saw me. The lightness of his voice, and the way it washed over; blanketing me, suffocating me. At times he had me wrapped in a cocoon that seemed to tighten with each minute. I couldn't seem to let this last one go soon enough. I lost sleep because of him. And when I did sleep, I dreamt of him. It had gotten to a point that I was afraid to lay in my bed, even if Maura was there. And I hated doing that to her. I mean it wasn't her fault that I was dealing with this living demon. She had been the best partner and friend a girl could ask for. I was just messed up in the head over this last encounter and I tried hard not to bring it into my bed.

Her hand snaked over my waist and up my chest resting flat palm over my heart. She knew I was fighting it. I was fighting the pressure of my mind replaying the image of him smiling smugly at me in the integration room. Even though my anger shown through my tears, my tears were very much real. I was, am afraid of him… he is my real life boogie man.

"Forget him, Jane," she whispered in my ear.

Her breathe tickled my ear and I shivered. She held me closer and kissed my neck then behind my ear.

"Relax. I've got you."

A tear escaped and traveled down the side of my face to my neck.

"Oh, Jane."

She gripped my hands and I fought her. She tried to turn me over, to face her but I couldn't. Not broken like this. Maura has seen my broken one to many times.

"Don't fight me, Jane."

But I did. She pushed. I pulled. She gripped. I pulled. She pushed me down and straddled my waist. I tried to push her off and she pinned my hands to the bed.

"Fight me all you want, but I'm not going anywhere," she panted. "I'm not leaving you," she breathed as she gained the upper hand.

She stared down at me, chest heaving, hair falling into her face. She licked the moisture on her upper lip as she gained control of my still struggling limbs.

"Ugh," I granted over and over.

But she didn't relent. I kicked and pulled and she rode my body until I tired out. I made eye contact and saw her determination to break me out of my funk. To release me of this fear of him. But truth was, I was more afraid of how my life would be without having that fear of Hoyt. He kept me on edge. And I liked that.

"Let it go," she whispered. "You don't need him. You never did."

It was as if she was reading my mind. Her doing that in the past would piss me off or freak me out, but right now, I was glad I didn't have to say it out loud. As much as Hoyt used me, I used him.

"Let it go," she repeated.

I turned my head, releasing the tears and the burden I had carried for to long. She let go of my hands and laid on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her waist and let it go. I cried and cried and cried. This wasn't over yet.


	3. Chapter 3

"This isn't one sided," she whispers in my ear.

She knows that I'm awake. And that isn't a surprise to me. Maura has always been attuned to my body, more so than me at times. And I know that she is right. But I don't want to meet this fate. Not now. Not yet. As brave as she may think I am; I'm really am not. She has built me up to be this kind of superhero and I don't know how to tell her that I'm really not. I can easily be a champion for others but find it hard to do the same for myself. So many times I've had to put my own thoughts on the back burner for my charge, whoever that may be at the time, and focus solely on their well being. And in my doing that, I have forgotten me. I'm always my last concern. The hero? I cringe at that moniker. That is not me.

She still lays on my chest. I was too exhausted to move after my crying had subsided. Truth be told, I didn't want her to move. Maura was my shield. She stopped the nightmares. I needed her, more than I think she'll ever know.

Her lips claim my jaw and her tongue caresses my skin gently. I try to relax into the intimacy but can't. I don't know why or maybe I do but refuse to admit it to myself. Her hand climbs into my hair and massages my head willing me to forget him and feel her. I bite my lower lip surpressing a moan because it feels so good.

"Don't hide from me," she whispers.

My hands slide down her back and rest on her hips. I let out a slow and shaky breath as her mouth travels higher to my earlobe. Once again her tongue is tasting my skin. This time I let her know that I am enjoying her actions when she finds the tiny space between my earlobe and my jaw. I never had lover explore that area before and the fact that Maura has discovered it, doesn't go unnoticed by me. I've never let anyone get this close to me before; physically or otherwise. Only Maura knows me. I turn my head, exposing more of my neck to her, giving her access to me. I think I hear her giggle, I'm not sure, but I know Maura isn't the type to take what is happening lightly. I grip her hips, pulling her further down on me, needing to feel her pelvis on mine. The heat that is rapidly building from her slow assault on my neck is opening me up faster than I've ever been. I grind up against her.

"We have time," she breaks away.

"Don't want time," I pant. "I want you. Now."

I cup her sex trying to get at her faster. She pulls away and takes my hand with her.

"On my terms," she stares down at me. "You don't need fast and hard. You need gentle and slow. Let me give you want you need."

Her eyes look at me not through me, taking in everything that I am and I feel so vulnerable at her open absorption of me. She knows me. She knows me sometimes better than I know myself.

"This isn't one sided, Jane. Please let this be my silent explanation of what you mean to me."

She leans down and captures my lips in a pleading kiss. I surrender to her control.

I love the way Maura kisses me. She takes what she wants, when she wants it. She doesn't allow my mind to take over but let my emotions ride along with hers as they step off the cliff together and soar. I give Maura what she wants. I relax and feel her hands on my body. She pulls me up and undresses both of us. The sight of her flushed flesh makes me beg for a touch.

"This isn't about me."

"It's always been about you."

I place both hands on her chest, feeling her heat and her heart beat into my open palms. I attack her neck, making my mark as she whimpers.

"It's always been about you," I repeat in between kisses.

Those five words become my mantra as she offers me my moment of truth. I can no longer focus

I feel like I'm moving too fast. But I don't want this moment to pass. I need to find a way to slow down and enjoy this moment. I need this moment.

"Jane, you have me," she kisses my forehead.

And in that simple kiss, I breakdown in tears again. I claw at her back as I bury my head in her chest. She wraps arms and legs around me, sitting in my lap, rocking us back and forth in a soothing sway.

"I love you, Jane."

A gut wrenching sob tears through me and she holds me tighter.

"He had you once, but I have you now, and I'm never letting go. I will fight for you. Do you hear me, Jane? I will fight for you."


End file.
